is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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