she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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