I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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