She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
