Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The adults are the big ones right?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
