battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
