Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
