he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I cut my penus on the lid.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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