do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
