and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
