Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
