I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
