Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
