Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
