i barfeds in our rink
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
