I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
