you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
