Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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