i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
