"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
