you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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