And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
