Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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