Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
