i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
