She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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