First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
