And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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