good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
