3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
