Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
