I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
