Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
