"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
