Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
