I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
