I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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