The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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