dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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