Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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