I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
