I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
