He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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