chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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