I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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