Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
