I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
