I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
