the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
