I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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