Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
