her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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