Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
