Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
