I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
