Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
