***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
That's intense
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
